You know you’ve had too much eye surgery when…

  • You know what size surgical stockings you need, and are able to shimmy into them in record time whilst watching other patients struggling with theirs.
  • Your pile of ‘spare’ stockings at home steadily grows, but you daren’t throw them away incase you have another period of intense posturing.
  • You recognise the anaesthetist.
  • The Sister-in-Charge in the local eye clinic recognises you by name.
  • The Scary Sister in the Eye Unit remembers where you live.
  • The person in the Education Team at Moorfields Eye Hospital remembers that she’s previously asked you to volunteer to have your eyes examined by the students.
  • You’re able to recite the post-op eye drop drill (try saying that quickly!) along with the nurse.
  • You feel a mixture of slight jealousy and huge relief for people whose detachments have been fixed with the first operation.
  • You feel naked going to bed without your eye shield on.
  • You start bulk-buying reels of micropore tape, tissues, and antibacterial soap.
  • You wonder how much it would cost to buy a flat within walking distance of Moorfields.
  • You’re tempted to give the lady sitting next to you in the waiting room advice about how to posture more comfortably in the correct position.
  • You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is open your eyes and check that you can still see.
  • Your paperwork from the hospitals starts to spill out of your plastic wallet and you realise that you actually need a proper A4 file.
  • You buy new pyjamas in preparation for posturing after your next lot of (planned) surgery.
  • You’ve mastered the art of washing your hair without getting a drop of water down your face.
  • You seriously consider wearing a hat to keep more of the sun out, even though you’re definitely not a hat person and look a complete and utter plonker.
  • Wherever you are, you work out the quickest way to get back to the hospital incase of an emergency.
  • You realise you’ve actually become one of the ‘multiple surgery’ old timers on the FB support group site, whose stories you read with horror after your first operation, wondering how they got through more than just the one vitrectomy.
  • You wish you had a magic wand so that you could fix your own and everyone else’s eye problems.
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